So I’m in 6th or 7th grade, hard to remember the exact year.  It’s a crisp, wintery Saturday morning in Northern Virginia.   A foot of snow is on the ground.  Bugs Bunny is on TV.  There’s a couple hours left of cartoons before “Soul Train” comes on which signals the abrupt end of good television for the afternoon.  All is right with the world.

Suddenly, to our horror, my dad walks in, turns off the TV without explanation, unplugs it and takes it outside to the very back of the yard, the farthest point away from the house.

We. Are. In. Shock.

See, there are no VCRs at this time.  Well there are, but they’re the size of refrigerators and only Kings and Presidents and Amway Double Diamonds have them.  There’s no Hulu to catch reruns on.  No Netflix streaming.  No Nick-at-nite.  If you miss a show?  It’s gone.  Forever.

I remember one night we went to church early, had to turn off my show and to this day I never found out if Buck Rogers and Hawkman saved Wilma Dearing from the midget dude with mystical powers.  I am a tortured soul.  And I write from that well-spring of angst.  It fuels me.

Anywho, back to Dad the TV-napper.  Of course we protested loud and hard.  But apparently mom had had a vision about the TV being struck by lightening and that, combined with a Spiritual sense of dread over the thing, caused them to whisk it from its wooden altar and expunge it from the house.  Of course the idea of God smiting our TV was even more fantastic than Wile E. Coyote’s next ACME invention, so we sat inside and watched for the next hour.  Patiently.  Waiting for the thunderbolt from heaven to strike.

Alas, the thunderbolt never came.  And later that afternoon, my parents gifted our TV — MY TV!!! — to the garbage men which makes AB-solutely no theological sense to me to this day.  The TV was a ticking time-bomb of epic Old Testament proportions.  We needed the Hurt Locker bomb squad dude, not the Trash Collectors.  And say a fiery ball didn’t consume our Zenith and it’s infernal foil wrapped antennae — say it was more of a spiritual thing, should we have risked the very souls of our neighborhood Sanitary Engineers like that?

And that’s the story of how I grew up like an Amish kid with no TV in my house.  Somebody once said, “I guess books were like your TV, then?”  No, yogurt brain…TV was my TV!  And it was gone.  Forever.

What’s the point of that little story?  I dunno, but it feels good to get it off my chest.  Also because at the same time I was writing it I was using scream therapy after each period.  Very cleansing.  Plus I just tell the neighbors I’m listening to Glenn Beck.  It’s kewl.  It’s kewl.

I guess you could call my parent’s response to God’s prodding “reactionary.”  I mean don’t get me wrong, God talks, we obey.  ”Get rid of the TV!”  Done.  But, the other part about God going all Sodom and Gomorrah on it?  I’m pretty sure that was never in God’s plan.  But that’s how we do.  We over-dramatize and WAY over-spiritualize.  And I’m 94.3% sure that mainstream Christianity has done the same way with Hollywood.

God brings us in close, gathers us around like little children, like little ducklings, like little duckling childrens with our ducky little child beaks and lips and he says, “Hollywood is not where I would like it to be spiritually” and suddenly we just explode up out of our seats a-gawkin and a-squakin and “The sky is falling!” and “Hollywood is Evil!” and “Get outta there before it drops into the ocean!” and “Let’s start our own Hollywood somewhere else because God’s gonna drop Hollywood with a Sodom & Gomorrah atomic knee drop from heaven!” and I think we’ve missed something huge.

See, what if, just what if…Hollywood is not Sodom & Gomorrah marked on Archangel Gabriel’s to-do list to give the old napalm flush. And marked “ASAP!”  What if, just what if, God has not given up on Hollywood.  What if, just what if, instead of Sodom & Gomorrah, Hollywood is our Ninevah?  What if we’re supposed to go in with showmanship and amazing feats, riding whaleback if necessary and proclaim the Good News of Jesus Christ who is the Hope and Healing to all nations?  What if Hollywood is marked for Revival on Gabe’s to-do list?

There are those in Hollywood doing their part.  Faithful Christians standing firm.  Praying for this Revival to come.  Surprising people.  Like who you ask?  People like this…

Love Hollywood.  God is.

###

Granted, some people have fully automated, home theater retractable blu-ray man-cave THX surround sound setups that would rival any Regal Cinema system.  If I had that, I might not leave the house.  But I’ve got a laptop.  So for me to fully experience a film as it was intended to be seen, I either have to sit in a dark closet with my nose an inch from my Macbook screen with headsets and pretend it’s IMAX…or venture out to the theater.

Here are most of the 2011 films I saw, in no particular order:

The Adjustment Bureau

Rango

Battle: Los Angeles

Limitless

Sucker Punch

Source Code

The King’s Speech

Arthur

Hanna

Water For Elephants

Fast Five

Thor

Bridesmaids

Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides

Midnight in Paris

Hangover Part II

Beginners

Super 8

Bad Teacher

Cars 2

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

Larry Crowne

Horrible Bosses

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2

Captain America

Friends with Benefits

Crazy, Stupid, Love

The Change-up

The Help

30 Minutes or Less

One Day

Conan O’brien Can’t Stop (Documentary)

Colombiana

50/50

The Skin I Live In

The Three Musketeers

The Descendants

My Week with Marilyn

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

We Bought a Zoo

I know, right? That’s 42 films.  That’s a LOT of Popcorn and Twizzlers.

Notably absent from this list includes Soul Surfer, Courageous, and Muppets to name a few.  All of which I will be getting to on DVD in the sweet by-and-by in my IMAX home closet theater.  I mean calling yourself a Christian and not having seen Soul Surfer and Courageous is treading some dangerous theological grounds.  Almost like the time the Plague of locusts and frogs hit my living room and I realized it had been 5 years and I had never seen The Passion and I had to rent and watch it really quick and sacrifice a gerbil before the Plumbing Plague hit.

I’m a little rusty on my Exodus “Let my People Go” Hebrew histories, but I vaguely remember something about toilets backing up.  Oh, you know what?  I might actually be thinking of a scene from “The Money Pit”.

My bad.

Anyway, back to 2011.  It’s a tough list to distill down into a Top 10, but I have prayed and fasted (the usual fast where I don’t eat Livers or Pickled Pigs Feet or Chitlins or Collards…what the old testament refers to as the “Tyler Perry/Medea Fast”) …and as Moses descended from Mt. St. Helena Bonham Carter with the 10 commandments engraved by Kay Jeweler’s, so I bring you my own “Best of 2011″ list (which I reserve the right to change at ANY moment and without notice!)

BEST FILMS OF 2011

THE KING’S SPEECH
Okay, sue me.  This film came out in 2010, but I didn’t see it in the theater til 2011 so it’s not only on my list, but tops my list.  An amazing film on a lot of levels.  The interplay between Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush was a clash of the titans.  Life and death in the power of the tongue.

THE HELP
Some may say that Racism was too underplayed in this film, but I for one, was happy to see a film centered on that subject that didn’t showcase the Klan, crosses burning in yards and lynch mobs.  There is more bravery and courage showcased in this film than most action films today.

BRIDESMAIDS
Kristen Wiig is hilarious.  Essentially this is the lady-dude answer to The Hangover.

CONAN O’BRIEN CAN’T STOP (Documentary)
Conan is at the top of his game and performing without a net in this one.  He’s lost his dream job “The Tonight Show” after only 7 months and by contract could not go back on TV for a full year.  So he hits the road and takes us with him.  We assume he’s gonna come out alright, but there’s no guarantee of that.  It’s an all-access behind the scenes look at a very public and very funny performer.  And it shows the good, the bad and the dictatorial.

50/50
Cancer is funny, right?  This film is great b/c it’s also a personal journey that the filmmakers took in real life which informs the film in genuine, honest and surprisingly hilarious ways.

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
To me, Woody Allen has been off his game for a few films.  But so has Clint Eastwood.  Anyway, his films used to be one love story to New York City after the next.  Now, he’s written a love story to Paris.  And even though this film actually made me *gasp* dislike my hollywood spouse, Rachel McAdams, it is still a great film.  Even better if you take a literary buff with you on one side and a francophile on the other!

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE
Steve Carrell is fun to watch.  Not only is this film hilarious, but it’s got a lotta heart to it as well.  I called this the “500 Days of Summer” for the 50-somethings.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
Not rated “E” for Everyone!  There’s some rough stuff in here.  But it is completely honest and pulls no punches and it’s a multi-layered and meaty film you can sink your teeth into.  Some directors get their actors to play certain parts, but David Fincher systematically morphs his actors into those characters. To watch Rooney Mara in this film and then go back and see her opening scene in “The Social Network” and she has been completely transformed is mesmerizing.  Lost in the part. Elia Kazan would be proud.

RANGO
3-D animated films are getting to be a dime a dozen.  And so it’s nice when one comes along that is truly original, like this one.  And funny.  And quirky.  And NOT Pixar.  It can be done.  Maybe I’m just a sucker for those Western/Cowboy Fish-Outta-Water (or rather Chameleon outta water) stories.

WE BOUGHT A ZOO
It took me a minute to accept hunky Matt Damon as an overweight, Carpool Dad, but once I got past my own emotional baggage, I thoroughly enjoyed this film.  It’s also a great family film like Soul Surfer and Secretariat.  And the cutest mostest adorablest little girl you’ve seen on the big-screen since the kid in “Miracle On 34th Street” (Mara Wilson).

Yes, my list differs from your list.  Yes, you’re probably not as spiritual as I am.  Yes, Transformers 3 almost made my Top 10 and I…I…can’t…really psychologically explain why.  But it moved me! Okay?  It spoke to me.  And by golly if you take out Shia the Beef and put in Joseph Gordon-Levitt…it would have topped the King’s Speech.  And like Dark Matter and Quantum physics…that is a mystery that just can’t be fully explained.

###

I admit I could be a little off on the general ingredients, but I tasted a piece of fruitcake once back in ’87 and those are the associations that sprang to mind just before I puked.  Gifting someone a fruitcake, therefore, is the culinary equivalent of the middle finger.  The mafia used to leave horse heads in people’s beds.  Now they give fruitcakes.

“Yo, Johnny, here’s a fruitcake!  Up yours, buddy!  I hope you catch Scurvy and die!”

Why this is still a Christmas tradition I have no idea.  Dad loves it, though.  But I suspect during his years in the military that his intestines were replaced by an actual military-grade disposal from Home Depot which just grinds everything down into rabbit pellets.  Weird.

I also hope that you get a bunch of quality time off from work.  Time to just sit back and stare and watch TV and movies and visit people or futz around the house.  Or what we in the business call: Screenwriting.

This year is the first one in a decade that I don’t have off between Christmas and New Years.  I feel like I’m breaking the 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Work Between Christmas and New Years.  I’m pretty sure that was on the 3rd tablet that Moses left on Mt. Sinai because it was just too heavy and he thought he’d have time to go back and get it later.  These other 5 commandments included that nugget about taking Jesus’ birthday week off, something about homeschooling and a little blurb about owning Pomeranians.  It’s not in every Bible Translation, but it could be in The Message Bible.  You may have to actually google “Apocrypha + Pomeranian + 15 commandments” and you might get your answer, or you might cue the launch codes for Armageddon.  So, on second thought, just take my word for it.

Anyway, I know Christmas was tough for a lot of people and penguins due to Global warming and the fact that the only snow on the planet was in Antartica and Texas, but you’ll find that if you close your eyes and eat a candy cane, it’s like Christmas in your mouth!  At least that’s what I told the Penguin…who then did a little soft-shoe shuffle, thanked me with a winged salute and waddled off.  Which reminds me I’ve GOT to start checking the expiration dates on my Egg Nog.

Truly hope that Jesus was the reason for your season and that you remembered you can’t spell “Christmas” without the “mess”.  Okay, technically you can, but UN-technically…you can’t.  If I had any gold, frankensteins or myrrrhhrhhr I’d gift you some, but since I can’t even spell most of ‘em, please enjoy a couple of Holiday videos I found for you instead!

1. First, for the Calvin and Hobbes enthusiasts…

2. Second, The Greatest Action Story Ever Told…

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

###

But, that was sooooo last millenium.

Since 2004, there’s a NEW Black List which Nikki Finke (not pictured left) at Deadline Hollywood explains, “is film executive Franklin Leonard’s hot unproduced screenplay pecking order…Compiled every year from the suggestions of hundreds of film executives, each contributes the names of up to ten of their favorite scripts that were written in, or are somehow uniquely associated with, 2011 and will not be released in theaters during this calendar year.”

If you’re a screenwriter, and you’ve got a script circulating tinsel-town, you want it to be on this list.  This is the Homecoming Court of Unproduced Script Popularity Contests.  The Prom Kings and Queens.  The Belles of the Ball — if by “Ball” you mean “cha-ching low to high fair to middlin 6 figures with points on the back end” and such.  Suffice to say, scripts you maybe want to pay attention to.

Interesting to me that some of the log lines totally grab you, but others of them are like, “meh, s’okay” and you just assume then that the script is some William Goldman-Billy Wilder love child that will make your eyeballs stigmata and briefly see the future upon reading the first 10 pages.  Not to mention a midpoint plot device that will cure cancer much like Chuck Norris’ tears…if the insensitive clod would ever cry!  Selfish!

Anyway, here now is that list from BlckLst.com:

2011 Hollywood Blacklist

The Black List was compiled from the suggestions of over 300 film executives, each of whom contributed the names of up to ten of their favorite scripts that were written in, or are somehow uniquely associated with, 2011 and will not have begun principal photography during this calendar year.

This year, scripts had to receive at least six mentions to be included on the The Black List.

All reasonable effort has been made to confirm the information contained herein. The Black List apologizes for all misspellings, misattributions, incorrect representation identification, and questionable 2011 affiliations.

It has been said many times, but it’s worth repeating:

The Black List is not a “best of “ list. It is, at best, a “most liked” list.

Enjoy.

133
THE IMITATION GAME by Graham Moore
The story of British WWII cryptographer Alan Turing, who cracked the German Enigma code and later poisoned himself after being criminally pros¬ecuted for being a homosexual..
AGENCY:  CAA
AGENT: JP Evans, Jacqueline Sacerio
MANAGEMENT:  The Safran Company
MANAGER:  Tom Drumm
FINANCIER:  Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Ido Ostrowsky, Nora Grossman

84
WHEN THE STREET LIGHTS GO ON by Chris Hutton, Eddie O’Keefe
In the early 1980s, a town suffers through the aftermath of a brutal murder of a high school girl and a teacher.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Simon Faber, Sarah Self
MANAGEMENT: Tariq Merhab Management
MANAGER: Tariq Merhab
PRODUCER: Imagine Entertainment

59
CHEWIE by Evan Susser, Van Robichaux
A satirical behind the scenes look at the making of Star Wars through the eyes of Peter Mayhew who played Chewbacca.
AGENCY:  WME
AGENT: Mike Esola
MANAGEMENT: Industry Entertainment
MANAGER: Jess Rosenthal

53
THE OUTSIDER by Andrew Baldwin
In post World War II Japan, an American former prisoner-of-war rises in the yakuza.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Jay Baker, John Garvey
MANAGEMENT: Anonymous Content
MANAGER: Bard Dorros, David Kanter
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Linson Entertainment

43
FATHER DAUGHTER TIME: A TALE OF ARMED ROBBERY AND ESKIMO KISSES by Matthew Aldrich
A man goes on a three state crime spree with an accomplice, his eleven year old daughter.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: John Garvey, Stuart Manashil
MANAGEMENT: Silent R Management
MANAGER: Jewerl Ross
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Pearl Street Productions

33
IN THE EVENT OF A MOON DISASTER by Mike Jones
An alternate telling of the historic APOLLO 11 mission to land on the moon that examines what might have happened if the astronauts had crash landed there.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: David Kopple, JP Evans, Matt Rosen
MANAGEMENT: The Gotham Group
MANAGER: Lindsay Williams
PRODUCER: FilmNation

30
MAGGIE by John Scott 3
As a “walking dead” virus spreads across the country, a farm family helps their eldest daughter come to terms with her infection as she slowly becomes a flesh-eating zombie.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Billy Hawkins, Dan Rabinow
MANAGEMENT: Sly Predator
MANAGER: Trevor Kaufman
FINANCIER: Pierre-Ange Le Pogam
PRODUCER: Pierre-Ange Le Pogam, Trevor Kaufman, Matthew Baer

30
THE CURRENT WAR by Michael Mitnick
Based on the true story of the race between Thomas Edison and George Westinghouse to develop a practical system of electricity and sell their respective inventions to the country and the world.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Simon Faber
MANAGEMENT: Fourth Floor Productions
MANAGER: Jeff Silver

28
THE END by Aron Eli Coleite
Four people – a veteran broadcaster in London, a sixteen year old girl and her boyfriend in Ann Arbor, and a devoted family man in Shanghai – each try to make peace with their lives before an interstellar event ends the world in six hours.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Matt Rosen, Martin Spencer
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers

27
BEYOND THE PALE by Chad Feehan
Teenage siblings suspect they’ve been ripped off by the town undertaker, but what they discover is much more sinister than either imagined.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Matt Rosen, Jacqueline Sacerio
MANAGEMENT: Management 360
MANAGER: Guymon Casady, Mary Lee
FINANCIER: Vendome Pictures
PRODUCER: The Fort

27
EZEKIEL MOSS by Keith Bunin
A mysterious stranger who possibly has the power to channel the souls of the dead changes the lives of everyone in a small Nebraska town, especially a young widow and her 11-year-old son.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Rowena Arguelles
MANAGEMENT: Kaplan/Perrone
MANAGER: Alex Lerner, Sean Perrone
PRODUCER: A Likely Story, Mandalay Pictures

24
GRACE OF MONACO by Arash Amel
Grace Kelly, age 33 and having given up her acting career to focus on being a full time princess, uses her political maneuvering behind the scenes to save Monaco while French Leader Charles de Gaulle and Monaco’s Prince Rainier III are at odds over the princi¬pality’s standing as a tax haven.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Rich Green, Matt Rosen
FINANCIER: Pierre-Ange Le Pogam
PRODUCER: Pierre-Ange Le Pogam

24
HE’S FUCKIN’ PERFECT by Lauryn Kahn
A social media savvy girl who is pessimistic about love finds the perfect guy and decides to use her internet research skills to turn herself into his perfect match.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Cliff Roberts
FINANCIER: Fox 2000
PRODUCER: Gary Sanchez

23
BETHLEHEM by Larry Brenner
A group of people struggling to survive a zombie apocalypse make an alliance with a vampire, trading themselves as food in exchange for protection since zombies don’t eat vampire.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Martin Spencer, Jacqueline Sacerio
MANAGEMENT: Magnet Management
MANAGER: Mitch Solomon
PRODUCER: Roth Films

20
THE THREE MISFORTUNES OF GEPPETTO: by Michael Vukadinovich
A prequel to the story of Pinocchio in which  Geppetto endures a life of misfortune, war, and ad¬venture, all to be with Julia Moon, his true love.
AGENCY: ICM
AGENT: Ava Jamshidi
FINANCIER: Fox
PRODUCER: 21 Laps Entertainment

20
POWELL by Ed Whitworth
Based on the true story of Colin Powell questioning the Bush administration leading up to his United Nations presentation where he made the case for going to war with Iraq.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: David Karp, Cliff Roberts, Dan Cohan
MANAGEMENT: Circle of Confusion
MANAGER: Ashley Berns
PRODUCER: Spirit Dance Entertainment

19
THE KNOLL: by Christopher Cantwell, Christopher Rogers
A rookie cop and his potential flame witness JFK gunned down from the grassy knoll on November 22, 1963. Within hours, they’re on the run from the murderers who desperately need them silenced.
AGENCY: ICM
AGENT: Aaron Hart
MANAGEMENT: Management 360
MANAGER: Jennifer Graham, Chris Huvane
PRODUCER: Management 360

17
HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY: by Ed Solomon
A child prodigy tries to take control of his life away from his demanding parents.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Jay Baker, Todd Feldman, David O’Connor
FINANCIER: Sony
PRODUCER: Escape Artists

17
DESPERATE HOURS by E Nicholas Mariani
A small town crippled by WWI and the Spanish flu finds itself facing major moral questions and a brutal invading force when a young girl shows up on a rancher’s doorstep covered in blood.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Charles Ferraro, Jenny Maryasis
MANAGEMENT: Circle of Confusion
MANAGER: Britton Rizzio
FINANCIER: GK Films
PRODUCER: Infinitum Nihil

17
A MANY SPLINTERED THING by Chris Shafer, Paul Vicknair
When a charming heartbreaker finally meets a girl he can’t have, he discovers the true meaning of love by living out other people’s love stories and writing his own.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Jon Huddle, Jason Burns, Max Michael
MANAGEMENT: Brillstein Entertainment Partners
MANAGER: Missy Malkin
PRODUCER: Wonderland Sound and Vision

17
FLARSKY by Daniel Sterling
A political journalist courts his old babysitter, who is now the United States secretary of state.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Julien Thuan
PRODUCER: Point Grey Pictures

17
BLOOD MOUNTAIN by Jonathan Stokes
After his team is ambushed and killed in Pakistan, a young army ranger must escort the world’s most wanted terrorist over dangerous terrain in order to bring him to justice. While being hunted by both of their enemies, they must find a way to work together in order to survive.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Ramses Ishak, Michael Sheresky, Geoff Morley
MANAGEMENT: Energy Entertainment
MANAGER: Brooklyn Weaver

17
BASTARDS by Justin Malen
Two brothers, raised to believe their biological father died, find out their mother slept with many powerful and famous men in the 1970s, and the siblings hit the road to find their real father.
AGENCY: Verve
AGENT: Bill Weinstein, Rob Herting
MANAGEMENT: H2F
MANAGER: Chris Fenton
FINANCIER: Paramount
PRODUCER: The Montecito Picture Company

17
CRAZY FOR THE STORM by Will Fetters
The true story of Norman Ollestad’s relationship with his father, who thrust the boy into the world of extreme surfing and competitive downhill skiing at the age of three. But it was that experience that allowed an 11-year old Norman to survive a plane crash amidst a blizzard in the San Gabriel mountains.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Elia Infascelli-Smith
MANAGEMENT: 3 Arts Entertainment
MANAGER: Oliver Obst
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Billy Gerber

16
THE SLACKFI PROJECT by Howard Overman
A hapless and broken hearted barista is visited by two bad-ass soldiers from the future who tell him mankind is doomed, and he alone can save them.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Julien Thuan
FINANCIER: Sony
PRODUCER: Matt Tolmach Productions

14
THE MUSEUM OF BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS by Natalie Krinsky
Lucy, a twenty-eight year old junior curator at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC, is sleeping with her boss. When he dumps her she begins a collection of “break up items” and starts a blog which goes viral.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Jessica Matthews
MANAGEMENT: The Gotham Group
MANAGER: Jim Garavente, Jeremy Bell

14
ST VINCENT DE VAN NUYS by Ted Melfi
When a twelve year old boy in need of a babysitter moves in next door to a misanthropic aging retiree whose life mainly consists of gambling, hookers, and drinking, the elder becomes an unlikely mentor to the boy.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Ramses Ishak, Michael Sheresky
MANAGEMENT: Infinity Management International
MANAGER: Jon Karas
FINANCIER: Fox
PRODUCER: Chernin Entertainment, Crescendo Productions

14
DJANGO UNCHAINED by Quentin Tarantino
A freed slave named Django is trained as a bounty hunter by a German dentist named Schultz, and the two men set out to find Django’s enslaved wife.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Mike Simpson
FINANCIER: The Weinstein Company, Sony
PRODUCER: Double Feature Films, The Weinstein Company

13
THE ACCOUNTANT by Bill Dubuque
The Treasury Department pursues a brilliant, autistic accountant who doubles as an assassin and “problem-solves” with precision in more ways than one.
AGENCY: Paradigm
AGENT: Trevor Astbury
MANAGEMENT: Zero Gravity Management
MANAGER: Eric Williams
PRODUCER: Silverwood Films

13
SAVING MR. BANKS by Kelly Marcel
The story of how Walt Disney got the rights for Mary Poppins.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Phil Raskind, David Karp
PRODUCER: Ruby Films

12
BRIDGES ON THE FORT POINT CHANNEL by Chuck Maclean
An Irish family in the 1970s, dealing with the loss of their father and the busing of black kids into white neighbor-hoods, decides to blow up all the bridges in Boston.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Billy Hawkins
MANAGEMENT: Oasis Media Group
MANAGER: Allison Doyle, Ben Rowe

12
THE BIG STONE GRID by Craig Zahler
A cop is pulled into an underworld organization that brutally murders people to extort money out of others.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Julien Thuan, Emerson Davis
MANAGEMENT: Caliber Media
MANAGER: Dallas Sonnier
FINANCIER: Sony
PRODUCER: Michael De Luca Productions

12
CITIES OF REFUGE by Brandon Willer
A former FBI psychologist is called in to investigate when a young girl goes missing after the apparent murder of her father and brother by two strangers in a small Oklahoma town.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Phil D’amecourt, Jeff Gorin
MANAGEMENT: Benderspink
MANAGER: Jake Weiner
PRODUCER: Tower Hill, Benderspink, Charlize Theron

12
GOOD KIDS by Chris McCoy
Four overachieving high school students in Cape Cod reinvent themselves during the summer after graduation.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Simon Faber, Jeff Gorin, Sharon Jackson
MANAGEMENT: The Gotham Group
MANAGER: Shawn Simon
PRODUCER: Depth of Field

11
LEAVING PETE by Ali Waller, Morgan Murphy
A recently divorced author is stunned when his ex writes a popular book about their breakup, and he has to keep that fact secret from his new girlfriend, who works for the book’s publisher.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Bill Zotti, Andy Elkins

11
HIDDEN by Matt Duffer, Ross Duffer
An elevated horror-thriller about a family hiding in a bomb shelter after escaping a mysterious outbreak.
AGENCY: Paradigm
AGENT: Chris Smith
MANAGEMENT: MXN
MANAGER: Mason Novick
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Mason Novick, Roy Lee, Lawrence Grey

11
DIRTY GRANDPA by John Phillips
A young groom engaged to a demanding woman is forced to spend the week before his wedding with his half-blind, half-crazy, and wholly horny grandfather. Through this wild journey, his grandfather shows him how to take life by the balls and lead with his heart.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Jon Huddle, Steven Fisher
FINANCIER: Universal
PRODUCER: Josephson Entertainment

11
GRIM NIGHT by Allen Bey, Brandon Bestenheider
A family has to defend themselves from the Grims, strange creatures who attack Earth and kill thousands one night every year.
AGENCY: Verve
AGENT: Bryan Besser
FINANCIER: Universal
PRODUCER: Marc Platt Productions, Unbroken Pictures

10
WATCH ROGER DO HIS THING by Michael Starrbury
A retired hitman gets roped back into his old trade in order to save his friend’s life and quickly finds himself caught in a struggle trying to finish the job, and get his family out of Chicago alive at the same time.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Bill Zotti, Dan Rabinow
MANAGEMENT: Caliber Media
MANAGER: Dallas Sonnier, Julian Rosenberg
PRODUCER: Tripp Vinson, One Race Films

10
THE FLAMINGO THIEF by Mike Lesieur
Grief stricken over his wife leaving him, a man finds solace in an odd activity… swiping figurines of flamingos.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Rich Green, Adam Kanter
MANAGEMENT: Kaplan/Perrone
MANAGER: Sean Perrone
PRODUCER: Kaplan/Perrone, Red Hour

10
TWO NIGHT STAND by Mark Hammer
After an extremely regrettable one night stand, two strangers wake up to find themselves snowed in after sleeping through a blizzard that put all of Manhattan on ice. They’re now trapped together in a tiny apartment, forced to get to know each other way more than any one night stand should.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Carolyn Sivitz
MANAGEMENT: The Safran Company
MANAGER: Tom Drumm

10
SEX TAPE by Kate Angelo
When a married couple make a sex tape to spice up their relationship, it disappears, and they are frantic to get it back.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Jason Burns
FINANCIER: Sony
PRODUCER: Escape Artists

10
THE GUN EATERS by Alex Paraskevas, Jordan Goldberg
Four hardened New York detectives race to apprehend a relentless spree-killer who’s executing victims from Queens to Southampton in the span of a single day.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Rebecca Ewing, Keya Khayatian
MANAGEMENT: Oasis Media Group
MANAGER: Ben Rowe
PRODUCER: Oasis Media Group

10
LITTLE WHITE CORVETTE by Michael Diliberti
A down and out brother and sister go to Miami to sell a duffel bag of cocaine that they found in the trunk of a corvette left them by their dead father.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Phil Raskind, Simon Faber
MANAGEMENT: New School Media
MANAGER: Brian Levy
PRODUCER: Scott Aversano Productions

9
JANE GOT A GUN by Brian Duffield
After her outlaw husband returns home shot with eight bullets and barely alive, Jane reluctantly reaches out to an ex-lover who she hasn’t seen in over ten years to help her defend her farm when the time comes that her husband’s gang eventually tracks him down to finish the job.
AGENCY: Gersh
AGENT: Devra Lieb, Bob Hohman, Bayard Maybank
MANAGEMENT: Circle of Confusion
MANAGER: Zach Cox, Noah Rosen

9
THE LAST WITNESS by Stefan Jaworski
An FBI Agent interrogates an amnesiac, sole survivor of a Boston bombing in order to prevent future terrorist attacks.
AGENCY: Paradigm
AGENT: Trevor Astbury, Valarie Phillips, Ida Ziniti
FINANCIER: Fox
PRODUCER: Davis Entertainment

9
MURDERS & ACQUISITIONS by Jonathan Stokes
The world of high-stakes finance collides with that of high-priced hitmen when an ousted CEO decides to hire an assassin to kill the corporate raider who stole his company.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Ramses Ishak, Michael Sheresky, Geoff Morley
MANAGEMENT: Energy Entertainment
MANAGER: Brooklyn Weaver
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: KatzSmith Productions

9
FLASHBACK by Will Honley
A former NASA pilot with amnesia — also the first person to travel the speed of light — realizes he has the ability to travel back in time and along the way rediscovers his love for his wife.
AGENCY: Verve
AGENT: Adam Levine
MANAGEMENT: Nuclear Entertainment
MANAGER: Nick Fariabi, Jesse Silver

9
THE LAST DROP by Brandon Murphy, Phil Murphy
A fully functioning alcoholic meets the girl of his dreams and soon discovers that there’s a lot more at stake than love if he doesn’t clean up his act.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Rich Cook
MANAGEMENT: Mosaic
MANAGER: Langley Perer
FINANCIER: Mandate Pictures
PRODUCER: Greg Shapiro

9
FRIEND OF BILL by Harper Dill
After a humiliating episode in New York, a young woman returns to her hometown and tries to deal with her alcoholism.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Sarah Self, Jeff Gorin, Sharon Jackson
MANAGER: Mike Dill
PRODUCER: Marc Platt Productions, Neda Armian

8
DEAD OF WINTER by Sarah Conradt
A teenage girl heads to a remote cabin in the moun¬tains with her father and new stepmother – an experience the father hopes will bond the two ladies. But when a mysterious wounded Park Ranger shows up, family bonding will be the least of their concerns.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Jacqueline Sacerio
MANAGEMENT: Hopscotch Pictures
MANAGER: Sukee Chew
FINANCIER: Lionsgate (distrib), Wind Dancer (financing)
PRODUCER: Sherryl Clark, Hopscotch Pictures

8
ON A CLEAR DAY by Ryan Engle
When a powerful and mysterious force invades an American city, a young father must traverse the battle-torn city in an effort to save his wounded wife and rescue their stranded children. In the process, our hero becomes the target of an enemy who will stop at nothing to kill him.
AGENCY: Original Artists
AGENT: Chris Sablan, Matt Leipzig
MANAGEMENT: Mosaic
MANAGER: Michael Lasker, Langley Perer
PRODUCER: Ombra Films

8
HOME BY CHRISTMAS – BOB HOPE IN KOREA by Ben Schwartz
Young Larry Gelbart goes on tour with his idol Bob Hope in the middle of the Korean War and learns the true price of patriotism.
AGENCY: The Nethercott Agency
AGENT: Gayla Nethercott
PRODUCER: Jon Shestack Productions, Pink Slip Productions

8
THE PRETTY ONE by Jenee LaMarque
When a woman’s identical “prettier” twin sister dies, the woman assumes her sister’s identity, moving into her apartment and the big city.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Carolyn Sivitz
MANAGEMENT: Management 360
MANAGER: Mary Lee, Daniel Rappaport
PRODUCER: RCR Pictures, Steven J Berger

8
BAD WORDS by Andrew Dodge
The bastard child of the organizer of the national spelling bee gets his revenge by finding a loophole and attempting to win the bee as an adult, only to find friendship in a young Indian contestant.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Carolyn Sivitz
MANAGEMENT: Fourth Floor Productions
MANAGER: Jeff Silver
FINANCIER: Darko
PRODUCER: MXN

8
JURASSIC PARK by Imran Zaidi
A high school couple and two of their friends ditch school to catch a special preview screening of JURASSIC PARK.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Jason Burns, Jenny Maryasis
MANAGEMENT: Management 360
MANAGER: Darin Friedman

8
GASLIGHT by Ian Fried
Secretly imprisoned in a London insane asylum, the infamous Jack the Ripper helps Scotland Yard investigators solve a series of grisly murders whose victims all share one thing in common: dual puncture wounds to the neck.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Dan Cohan, Mike Esola
MANAGEMENT: Prolific
MANAGER: Will Rowbotham

7
SUBJECT ZERO by Dave Cohen
A Frankenstein-like tale of a scientist who develops a powerful new drug that brings his son back to life after he dies in a terrible car accident. Unfortunately, the desperate experiment of a loving father leads to the creation of a flesh-eating zombie epidemic with horrific consequences.
AGENCY: ICM
AGENT: Kathleen Remington, Emile Gladstone
MANAGEMENT: Generate
MANAGER: Jeremy Platt

7
THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD by Tom O’Connor
The world’s best bodyguard must protect his arch nemesis, the world’s top assassin…so he can testify against a brutal dictator and save his wife.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Charles Ferraro, Barbara Dreyfus, Emerson Davis
MANAGEMENT: Industry Entertainment
MANAGER: Andrew Deane, Jess Rosenthal
PRODUCER: Skydance Productions

7
CRISTO by Ian Shorr
A man is unlawfully sentenced to an infamous prison and escapes, then transforms himself into the mysterious Cristo and systematically destroys the men who manipulated and enslaved him.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Charles Ferraro, Jason Burns
MANAGEMENT: Mosaic
MANAGER: Langley Perer
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Bellevue Productions, Langley Park Pictures

7
UNTITLED HLAVIN HEIST by John Hlavin
An American thief living in Paris is coerced into pulling off a complex heist in order to save his kidnapped wife.
AGENCY: UTA
AGENT: Jason Burns
FINANCIER: DreamWorks
PRODUCER: Film Rites

7
LINE OF SIGHT by F Scott Frazier
After a military coup takes out the executive branch of government, the country’s survival depends on a Navy Seal sniper extraction team getting the Speaker of the House from Washington DC to New York.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Dan Cohan, Mike Esola
MANAGEMENT: H2F
MANAGER: Chris Fenton, Chris Cowles
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Silver Pictures

7
PINOCCHIO by Bryan Fuller
A wooden puppet, Pinocchio, dreams of becoming a real boy.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Phil D’amecourt
FINANCIER: Warner Brothers
PRODUCER: Dan Jinks Company

7
THE WEDDING by Andrew Goldberg
A group of couples deal with their respective issues as they attend a wedding.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Rich Cook
MANAGEMENT: Underground Films and Management
MANAGER: Josh Turner Maguire
FINANCIER: CBS Films

7
77 by David Matthews
Two stories from 1974 are linked together – the unsolved murder of an LAPD officer and the nationally televised shootout in South Central Los Angeles between the Symbionese Liberation Army and the LAPD where 50,000 rounds of gunfire was exchanged. The events will be seen through the eyes of a pair of police partners, one black and one white.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Roger Green, Elia Infascelli-Smith
MANAGEMENT: The Schiff Company
MANAGER: Nicole Romano
PRODUCER: Wolf Films

6
GUYS NIGHT by Christopher Baldi
Sick of brunches, bosses, and light beer, four co-workers set out on the mother of all guys nights in an attempt to rediscover their manhood.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Bill Zotti
MANAGEMENT: New Wave
MANAGER: Mike Goldberg, Josh Adler
FINANCIER: Millenium Films
PRODUCER: Jim Valdez, Matt Bass

6
SELF/LESS by Alex Pastor, David Pastor
An extremely wealthy elderly man dying from cancer undergoes a radical medical procedure that transfers his consciousness to the body of a healthy young man but everything may not be as good as it seems when he starts to uncover the mystery of the body’s origins and the secret organization that will kill to keep its secrets.
AGENCY: CAA
AGENT: Stuart Manashil, John Garvey
MANAGEMENT: Kaplan/Perrone
MANAGER: Alex Lerner
FINANCIER: FilmDistrict (distrib), Endgame Entertainment (financing)
PRODUCER: Ram Bergman

6
HYPERDRIVE by Alex Ankeles, Morgan Jurgenson
When a tough cop recruits a geeky sci-fi author to help him track down a mysterious murder witness, they find themselves in the middle of a space opera playing out here on Earth.
AGENCY: CAA/APA
AGENT: Bill Zotti (Ankeles), Ryan Saul (Jurgenson)
MANAGEMENT: Kaplan/Perrone (Ankeles)
MANAGER: Aaron Kaplan (Ankeles), Jonathan Hung (Jurgenson)
FINANCIER: Paramount
PRODUCER: Disruption Entertainment

6
BEFORE I FALL by Maria Maggenti
When a popular teen girl is killed in a car crash, she relives the critical day seven times and makes changes in an attempt to affect the outcome; in the process, she herself changes as she tries to make up for previous heartless, self-absorbed behavior and gains a better understanding of herself and others. As she evolves and makes the connections necessary to save a bullied, depressed girl’s life, she comes to accept her own fate.
AGENCY: Paradigm
AGENT: David Boxerbaum
MANAGEMENT: Madhouse Entertainment
MANAGER: Robyn Meisinger
FINANCIER: Fox 2000
PRODUCER: Jon Shestack Productions

6
BREYTON AVE by J Daniel Shaffer
A group of teens living without adults and under their own social order in a small fenced-in neighborhood are forced to face what they fear is the inevitable physical danger beyond the fence.
AGENCY: Verve
AGENT: Bryan Besser, Rob Herting
MANAGEMENT: Management 360
MANAGER: Mary Lee, Jill McElroy
PRODUCER: Unbroken Films

6
EL FUEGO CALIENTE by Ben Schwartz
A remake of SOAPDISH, a desperate telenovela star dreaming of Hollywood stardom has her life implode, making her real life crazier than the insane show she made famous.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Rich Cook
MANAGEMENT: Tom Sawyer Entertainment
MANAGER: Jesse Hara, Rachel Miller
FINANCIER: Paramount
PRODUCER: Reiner-Greisman

6
THE DUFF by Josh Cagan
Adapted from Kody Keplinger’s novel THE DUFF, the travails of a seventeen year old girl who believes she is the “designated ugly fat friend.”
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Rich Cook
MANAGEMENT: H2F
MANAGER: Chris Fenton
PRODUCER: Wonderland Sound and Vision

6
UNTITLED ARIZONA PROJECT by Luke Del Tredici
A satirically dark comedy about a homicidal foreclosure victim kidnapping a real estate agent and planning to kill her in the housing development where she finagled money from customers like him.
AGENCY: WME
AGENT: Roger Green
MANAGEMENT: Mosaic
MANAGER: Christie Smith
PRODUCER: Rough House Pictures

###

California surfer bitten on neck by shark airlifted to hospital

Very unsettling on many levels.  In fact, the age old question of whether or not Violence in Films & TV begets Violence in Children has just evolved to a new level.  With the recent Twilight frenzy in the media and “Breaking Dawn” set to besiege theaters on November 18th, we expected to see some rabid Fan-dom…perhaps a little Cosplay around Halloween, that sort of thing.

We expect this of Teens.  We expect this of humans.  We have not expected this of the Animal Kingdom.  Specifically the Carcharodon Carcharias…or the Great White.

Not only are these rogue sharks illegally downloading our Films and Movies, they are now acting out in a most debased and bizarre fashion — like Water Vampires.

Witnesses were said to have heard from the precocious predators: “Blah, blah blah, I vont to suck your blood,” and “Long live the Cullens,” and “Whooo whooo whooo, nyuk nyuk nyuk”.

Witnesses were not amused.  Nor was the Surfer, Eric Tarantino, who was rushed to the hospital but is listed in stable condition. Tarantino has been kept under surveillance to see if he begins exhibiting any shark-like and/or vampirical behavior or other super powers.

But so far, bupkiss.

###

Let the wookie win!

Before that me and another group of concerned citizens were staging a little demonstration in the Star Tours line at Disney.  Occupy Mos Eisley, I think was the name.  But after a little wait, a 3D ride and a Wookie photo op…we moved along.

But now, I am riled.  So upset I wanna slap your mom.  Our rights, nay our peaceful existence, as Citizens of the interwebs are at stake.

I am in a showdown with Hulu.com.

Nothing we haven’t seen before.  Big company hits the web.  Makes a big splash.  Offers everything for free.  All the time.  Makes some funny superbowl commercials Gains a following.  A huge following.  Then when the time is right, usually 2 to 3 years of net-friendly open sourcedness…BAM!  They offer a paid subscription.

No biggie.  At first.  They still give you a few of your favorite shows.  The rest of them available to “Hulu Plus Subscribers” only.  It’s okay, it’s still a choice.  It’s a less good choice, but I can still see a lot of shows within a few weeks of them airing.  No big whoop.

But that scraping sound is a dividing line being drawn in the sand.  A line between the elite 1% Hulu Plussers…and the lowly 99% Hulu table scrappers.

Let me pause a minute to explain a little game I like to call the “Carrot and the Stick”.  Say you have a Donkey.  I don’t know why you would, but perhaps you’ve got some firewood to carry to the Blacksmith.  Why this analogy hasn’t been upgraded since Jesus times, I don’t know.

Anyway, if you want to move the stubborn ass (#biblicalterm) from point A to point B then you can:

1) lure him with a Carrot, or,

2) beat him with a stick

Carrot – this is based on a rewards system.  You move forward to where I want you to be, you get a tasty treat.  Reward.

Stick – this is the punishment system.  You stay where I DON’T want you to be, I visit uncomfortable measures upon you until it becomes intolerable for you to stay put and you finally make a judgement call and move forward from that place.  Or you become dead.

The Hulu carrot I have witnessed.  More shows.  More access.  Mobile access.  Characters from your favorite show actually come to your house and bake you cookies.  It’s a good deal.  BUT….you have to pay.  And as the Occupy Wall Streeters have spoken, we’re done paying.  We’ve overpaid.  You made us borrow money and now you’re making us pay it back.  We’re done.  You’ve got money.  Give it to us now! (I’m sure a more indepth look through the news would actually help me understand the OWS movement’s goals and intentions more, but…reading?  Psssht. Really? Overrated.  Although I’m glad in an ironic way that you feel differently.)

But the Hulu carrot hasn’t worked like the Hulu Suits wanted.  So now they’ve broken out the Hulu stick.  Commercials.  At first, you’d usually see a commercial during your show at some point, thas kewl bruh, we needed 30 seconds to check Facebook anyway.  It all worked out.  But they keep adding more and more and MORE.   Last show I watched had 4 commercials in a single break.  I’m all, “what is this the 80s?”

It’s a trick I like to call Hulution.  (Think Hulu meets Pollution) They are Huluting the free shows with more and more commercials til it becomes intolerable to sit there and watch any longer.  If I’m still on Hulu this time next year, it could conceivably take me 4.5 hours to watch 30 Rock because of the 2,136 commercials I’m going to have to sit through.

And this is a cause I can finally rally behind.  Global Hulution.

Occupy Hulu.  What does this look like?  It looks like a whole bunch of people sitting at their computers and logging in to Hulu.com.  And then not clicking anything.  Oh, it’s the law of Net Metrics. Someone out there is measuring who is on the site, how long they’re there and how quickly they exit.

So if we go, and park it, and don’t click a thing, someone upstairs is gonna blow a head gasket because average time on site will be 1.5 weeks, but pages visited will be 1.  Now some of you are going to be tempted by a new “Parks & Rec” episode.  A new “Modern Family”.  A new “Grey’s Anatomy” or “Family Guy”.  (Heathens!)

But do NOT click a thing!  Just let the browser sit there.  Sit there until you see a deposit made to your checking account or at least a Banana Republic gift card in the mail from Hulu and a little note that says, “Sorry. We’re free again!”

My research and scientific extrapolations show that within about 3.2 weeks, we stubborn asses could turn this thing around if we’re really committed.  So, stand with me.  Or rather, sit.  And let’s make this world a better place where our children and children’s children can breathe Hulution free air…or at least watch a whole season of “Community.”

It can happen.  Dreams can happen.  Just ask the little Wookie from Spunky Puddle, Ohio.

###

Classy move, Downey.  Classy move.

And what it speaks to more than anything is the roller coaster ride that life can be.  That’s why it’s so important to reach back and help a fallen camrade.  To build a culture of healing where we take time to lift someone out of the murky pooh they’ve fallen into.  Not in some condescending way, but as a wise man said, “As one beggar telling another where to find bread.”

You never know when it’s going to be your turn on the down-and-out.  Just around every corner could be a piece of news that’s going to set you back.  Knock the wind out of you.  It happens.

Thank you, Mel Gibson for paying it forward to Robert Downey, jr.  Helping him out of a pickle.  And thank you Downey for reaching back.  For being the dude behind the dude, playing another dude.  Okay that Tropic Thunder quote had nothing to do with any of the rest of this post, but it’s a fun one to whip out on any occasion!

Anyway, lesson of the day?  No man left behind.

###

In 1998, broadway hit Les Miserables hit the silver screen with Liam Neeson, Geoffrey Rush and Uma Thurman.  It’s a fantastic story, one of the best redemptive films I’ve ever seen.  But if you’ve ever seen the Musical on stage, you know how much power is in the Music and lyrics — none of which was in that film version because of course it was a straight up movie.

Fine.  I get it.  A LOT disappointment for me, but I get it.

Well, now, 14 years later, we’re going to get the Musical Film version.  And not like the BBC version or some Lifetime D-List actor version or some campy Disney candy-coated version either.  Anne Hathaway has just signed on and already attached were Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe.  The Director?  None other than “The King’s Speech” helmer Tom Hooper.

Move over Mamma Mia.  Jean Valjean is coming to town.  December 2012.

For more info:

Deadline New York: Hathaway joins ‘Les Mis’ cast

NME: King’s Speech Director planning ‘Les Mis’ remake

###

But read ‘self-financed’ as TOTAL AND ABSOLUTE creative control over the project.   And clearly as Star Wars, Empire and Jedi showed us…Lucas works much better when he maybe doesn’t have final cut and ultimate approval.  Perhaps it’s a case where he could actually use a few more “Suits” in his life reigning him in?  Talking him down from the ledge?

Well, don’t take our word for it, judge for yourselves…

Attack of the Red Tails

 ….I’m just sayin’……….!

###

I haven’t wikipedia’d…wikipeditioned…wikipeed…I haven’t looked up the origins of the “Hollywood Spouse” idea because let’s face it, that sort of thorough source-checking journalism is NOT what we’re about here at Wired4Film.  Sounds expensive and takes WAY too much time.  We prefer to make up the facts.  We’re Gonzo, baby! Like Hunter S. Thompson or Glenn Beck.

Anywho…

I’m fairly certain, and I haven’t prayed about this yet, but I’m 87% positive that the concept of the Hollywood Spouse is the Christian version of the “I’d Hit That!” game.  If you’re unfamiliar with the “I’d Hit That” game, it’s where you and your un-saved friends sit around and talk about which Silver Screen goddess you would most like to….cuddle.  Probably.  I dunno!  I don’t play the game myself. I’m a Christian.

Ahem.

And Christians being the bastions of monogamy and marital fidelity and purity that we are…we prefer to think in terms of which Silver Screen Proverbs 31-ish woman we’d most like to cuddle with while reading “Our Daily Bread” and humming Matthew West songs.  And she doesn’t have to be a Proverbs 31 babe, yet, we can missionary date her right into the kingdom which is our duty as clearly laid out in scripture to make disciples.  Clearly.

Now, in the context of the Hollywood Spouse game, I’ll admit I’m as Mormon as the next Presidential hopeful.  I don’t think you have to resign yourself to just one Hollywood Spouse.  In fact, I encourage you to select perhaps a top 3.  The situation is more akin to our President, Vice President and 3rd person in line for Presidency that I would know if I had paid attention in Social Studies, but I’m pretty sure is the President’s Brother?  Or first-born Son?

Hey, and don’t look at me all ecclesiastical like that.  I know you’ve considered it.  I’m down with our readership.  I know “C” from Dover has just replaced her longtime Hollywood Husband Pierce Brosnan with Robert Downey, jr. because Brosnan is “…getting up there in age”.  Basically she’s Kevorkian’d Brosnan right off her list.  He’s dead to her, over! And I know that “J” from the NC esteems Megan Fox as his Hollywood Spouse.  The “Transformer’s” Megan and not the “Jennifer’s Body” Demon Megan cause that’s some next level Exorcist stuff needed there.

See how that works?  Your Hollywood Spouse can be movie-specific.  Maybe you’d like “Stranger than Fiction” Will Ferrell but not “Talledega Nights” Will Ferrell.  A lot of guys would prefer “Book of Eli” Mila Kunis and not “Family Guy” Mila Kunis.  A lot of girls would prefer McDreamy Patrick Dempsey.  Period.  Don’ t see what the fuss is there.  My “Bourne Ultimatum” Matt Damon could kick your McDreamy’s box office any time, any where.  #mancrush #uselesshashtagscausethisisnotTwitter

So in the spirit of full-disclosure…here are my Top 3 Hollywood Spouse selections:

#1 Audrey Hepburn

Style.  Class.  Charm.  Panache.  And as she shows in “How To Steal A Million” (1966) she’s also got a certain cheekiness and bravado to her.  What’s not to love?  Except she’s not around as much since her death.  Can’t Zemeckis do some of his photo-realistic 3D animation razzle dazzle and bring her back for “Polar Express 2″ or “Back to the Future 5″?  What about it, James Cameron?  She’d be a perfect Avatar in your sequel.  I mean, you shoulda dropped her into “Titanic” and given it that authenticity it lacked, but I digress.

#2 Kate Beckinsale

Let’s face facts.  End of the World Revelation type stuff is upon us.  If we believe the Mayans, could be as soon as next year.  Not sure if it’s 12/12/12 or 12/21/12 but I’ll know it when I see it…won’t be sleeping through that one like daylight savings time.  Moreover, if we believe Edgar Wright, this could potentially include a Zombie Apocalypse as well.  So who better to be your Hollywood Spouse during a World’s End Crisis if not Kate Beckinsale.  Yes, there can be a strong case for Angie Jolie.  But, I’m a long long time fan of Kate.  In fact, I first fell in love with her in “Shooting Fish” (1997).  Soooooo, I saw her first…DIBS!!

#3 Rachel McAdams

I wouldn’t kick her outta Sunday School, as the good book says.  What I love about Rachel McAdams is that she’s a Chameleon.  I mean, I’m not supposed to admit that I saw the “Notebook” cause my man-card could get suspended, but that’s a way different role than her breakout turn in “Mean Girls”.  I didn’t even know it was the same person at first.  And how cute is she in “Family Stone”?  You don’t know whether to buy her coffee or give her a noogie.  Either way, my entire disposition of “Sherlock Holmes 2″ will be based on how many minutes she’s on screen.  There was even one rumor that she could be killed off early in the film.  But I’ve hired a hitman for that little rumor monger.  Thou shalt not speak of my Hollywood Spouse thusly!  I won’t stands for it.

And I’ve got one Alternate in the wings.  I mean, it’s hard to break in to a Top 3 list that solid (especially when #1 is immortalized now) but there’s a new kid on the block that I’m watching carefully.  Making sure she doesn’t go all Lindsay Lohan on us.  By the way, if Lohan was on your list, not to be dismayed, you can switch her out at any Hollywood Spouse Redbox for Emma Stone and have all the lovability, quadruple the actability and a bucket of funny and not even notice little Miss Parent trap is gone.

ALTERNATE: Olivia Wilde

Okay, she obviously can’t be in my Top 3 with Katie B because they serve much the same purpose.  Save my butt from Zombies.  Only Kate is British.  But Olivia Wilde drives a flippin cool light-tastic missile launching dune buggy in “Tron:Legacy” and that’s okay in my book.  Even though she sporting Pulp Fiction hair.

So pray about it.  Go see some movies.  Do some research.  Find out who your Hollywood Spouse should be.  Cause I’ve picked mine.  And last thing I want is to be at some A-List After-Oscars party with you and we both grab Kate Beckinsale’s hand at the same time and say, “MINE!” and then force her to choose between us.  Cause I’m pretty sure when I play the “Shooting Fish” card, she’s gonna realize that she’s not only my Hollywood Spouse…she’s my Hollywood Soul-Mate!

And then you’re gonna be left with Dame Judy Dench.  Or Matthew McConaughey.

You’ve been warned.

###